Yes, it's a fascinating aspect of human psychology! Making mistakes can make us more relatable and likable to others.
When we make a mistake, it shows our vulnerability and humility, which can make us appear more approachable and authentic.
Let go of perfectionism and allow yourself to make mistakes!
We all fear saying something wrong, looking foolish, being seen as not good enough especially in social or professional settings. Even more, if you are a woman (or a man) that was conditioned by society to always be perfect!
While we all want to avoid mistakes, men are often more comfortable by saying something “stupid”, while women are more likely to feel embarrassment, shame or even humiliation.
We feel guilty of making a mistake of not being perfect!
Instead of shaking it off, we promise ourselves to keep our mouths shut at the next team meeting, brainstorming session, or when we are in front of our bosses.
And instead of moving on we ruminate repeatedly creating inside of us sense of self-doubt and low self-esteem.
Perfectionism can keep us from learning and growth!
Striving to be perfect can create:
- negative mindset,
- negative self-talk, and
- negative beliefs about yourself.
Ultimately may lead to imposter syndrome – the feelings of worthlessness or being a fraud despite of achieved accomplishments.
It calls “perfection trap”.
This perfectionism and fear of making mistakes often hold us back from saying YES to great opportunities, such as:
- new position,
- promotion, or
- career change.
Not only that, but it also stops us from:
- sharing ideas,
- valid points at the meetings, or simply
- our valuable opinion on the topic.
We hold it in fear of criticism, negative feedback or just because we think our voices won’t be heard.
The problem is that you may lose a great chance to contribute and to be valued while organisation may lose great insights to a problem they are trying to solve.
Why it is so difficult to forgive ourselves for making a mistake?
Having high standards by itself is a good thing. Most successful people set very high standards for themselves; it makes them happy to pursuit their goals.
The problem starts when your worries about making mistakes stop you from taking an action.
“Perfectionists tend to interpret mistakes as equivalent to failure and to believe they will lose the respect of others following failure.” Hara Estroff Marano
We need to remember that we are social beings, and much of our behaviour are rooted in social conditioning and our need for acceptance and belonging.
We are afraid of being rejected, isolated, or abandoned, not anymore of being eaten alive by a lion.
The fear of social judgment shapes our attitudes towards making mistakes. It’s not anymore just a mistake it is a matter of life or dead.
At least this is how our nervous system may interpret it. Our bodies may react as if our physical safety is at stake, leading to feelings of anxiety, stress, and fear.
Instead of forgiving ourselves for making mistakes we create a story in our heads, like:
- Other people think I am stupid.
- I am not able to say anything smart.
- My ideas are useless.
And this stops us from:
- contributing at important meetings,
- raising our hands for a promotion, or
- asking for well-deserved raise.
Because ultimately, we start to believe that we are worthless.
Luckily, we can rewrite limiting narratives. Own your story- you are accountable for your narrative! you can read it how in this article. (article from Sophia it could be connected)
If you believe that mistake equals failure, it’s time to redefine the meaning of a mistake!
Allow yourself to make mistakes!
The true is: we do not expect others to be perfect, so why we expect to be perfect from ourselves?
It’s ok to make a mistake, to mess up, to cry and to fail. Trust me, all of us do, including myself.
I let go of my perfectionism because I know I am not perfect! Good news, neither are you!
If this didn’t give you a sense of relief, I don’t know what to tell you.
Because, allowing myself to make mistakes gave me this beautiful sense of freedom.
- I am now free to say something stupid, without feeling that I am a complete failure.
- I am free to look foolish, without feeling that I am worthless.
It doesn’t mean that I walk around looking stupid and talking stupid things (at least I do my best not to). It’s the interpretation that changed.
I said something stupid, doesn’t mean I am stupid.
I just made a mistake, oh well:
- I will try to fix it,
- I will say sorry if needed,
- I will reflect on it,
- I will learn from it (trying not to repeat the same mistake twice), and
- at last, I will laugh at myself (maybe not at that specific moment, but I guarantee you after a week, month, or a year this could be a funny story to tell).
Mistakes are opportunity to gain experience (even if may initially appear negative) and ultimately, they may lead to innovate solution.
EXERCISE: Cultivate mindset where mistakes are opportunities to growth
On a piece of paper draw two columns.
STEP 1: In the first column, write down a list of mistakes you've made in various aspects of your life—whether it's personal, academic, professional, or social. These mistakes can range from small blunders to more significant setbacks.
STEP 2: In the second column, reflect on each mistake and write down what you learned from it. Consider the lessons you gained, the insights you acquired, and the skills you developed as a result of making that mistake. This could include newfound knowledge, personal growth, improved problem-solving abilities, or resilience in the face of adversity.
By making this exercise you will train your brain to reframe mistakes as opportunities. Instead of dwelling on past errors, you'll focus on the valuable lessons they provided.
And next time when you will get paralyzed by fear of making mistake remember that mistakes (and failures) are part of the success.
PS. I will tell you a little secret…at She Wins we already have a list of mistakes that we made. We are learning, growing, and having fun on the way.