One of my favorite sentences is: “Never believe what you are thinking”. Not because I don’t acknowledge where my thinking as brought me, but because our thoughts are so transitory and deceptive.
Neuroscientific research from 2020 from Queen’s University suggests that a human has about 6.000 “thought worms” per day. In this study, researchers were able to detect when humans have moved on to another thought, based on the individual’s brain activity. Thus, they could detect the ending and the start of a new thought. That’s what they call “thought worms”.
How many of our thoughts are positive?
If you reflect on your thoughts, how much percentage of them are connected to your achievements, to positive outcomes? How many of your thoughts are connected to criticism, worry or diminishing our performances?
Different sources reveal that more than 70% of our thoughts can be assigned to negative thinking. Additionally, many of our thoughts are repetitive.
Reflect! Taking into consideration that humans tend to be caught in negative self- talk and that the majority, more than 90%, of our thoughts are repetitive, this has a huge impact on our authority and leadership skills.
You are what you think?! Negative self-talk comes at high costs
What does that do to us as striving women in business? If not aware of our thoughts, we miss the opportunity to live and lead at our best. If we are not aware and in control, we let our thoughts impact our personal and business opportunities.
The problem about negative self-talk is bigger than you might assume. Not just do we create a world which we see through our negative self-perception, but our surroundings will notice as well when:
- When we doubt ourselves
- When we dislike ourselves
- When we criticize ourselves
- When we… what would you add to this list?
There’re two reasons
- Verbal communication: Not conscious of our repetitive, negative thought patterns, our language follows that pattern as well. Our verbal communication falls short and impacts our ability to persuade, lead and inevitably our career advancement.
- Non-verbal communication: Not conscious of our repetitive, negative thought patterns, our non- verbal communication reveals how we feel. Sometimes this can be very apparent by avoiding eye contact or rubbing parts of our bodies nervously. Micro expressions are more subtle, yet our counterpart will perceive it unconsciously.
Probably many of you can recall a situation where we were not able to stop the train of negative thoughts, pulling our energy and our results down.
Let’s start taking control and rewrite the story we tell ourselves. Positive self-communication builds authority, empowering us to lead with confidence and authenticity
Remember a positive situation, go back to a success you had, where you felt in control, strong. What did you notice about yourself or the people around you.
I invite you to write down this exact situation with all your senses and as detailed as possible.
You can use this memory of a positive experience every time you want to bust the circle of negative thoughts. Our brain can’t differentiate between reality and imagination.
Utilize the power of visualization to take control of how you want to act and appear.
Over the years, I have learned to utilize the power of visualization almost daily. In my executive trainings or in moderations, I always take time to visualize myself exactly- where am I in the room, what steps to I take, what is the very first sentence I say, how do I connect to the people with my body language.
You can apply exactly the same for every situation you’re in
Yet, it is a process- it demands discipline to feel the effects of visualization. The more often you use the tool and you connect to a “thought worm”, the faster it will be activated- also in high stake, meaning high nervousness or anxiety situations.
Start with the following three steps
In order to live and lead at our best, we need to apply the three C- method:
- Capture your negative thoughts: Become aware of your negative thoughts
- Check the negative thoughts: Question if they’re really true
- Change the negative thought: Develop a more compassionate and positive narrative
Remember: You’re in control. You can decide to steer your thoughts. You can decide to gather feedback about what people notice about your appearance. You’re the one to realize that sometimes an outside perspective from a coach can move mountains- as I can tell from personal experience.
What is your next step towards living and leading at your best by busting negative self-talk to build your authority?