How do you find out what truly makes you happy? What kind of work fulfills you? What kind of life excites you?
Most people try to answer these questions by thinking. Analyzing. Reflecting. They read self-help books, take personality tests, and debate their ikigai—all in an attempt to figure out who they are before they take action.
But here’s the truth: you don’t find yourself by thinking—you find yourself by living.
Screw the Theory—Embrace the Experience
You can’t know what lights you up until you’ve truly felt it. You can’t know what drains you until you’ve lived through it. Life is not a thought experiment—it’s a full-contact sport.
Here’s what experience and real-life taught me for example- something that theory never would have:
- I used to think I loved freedom—until I experienced the uncertainty of self-employment. Building a company requires so much more than just expertise. It’s mindset, structure, team management, marketing, sales—all at once. And while I love the challenge and certainly love freedom, I also learned to appreciate the stability of an organization and a fixed paycheck in ways I never had before.
- I never imagined myself living in another country—until I visited Spain and felt more at home there than I ever did anywhere else. Sometimes, you don’t know where you belong until you step into the unknown.
- I always loved networking and relationship building. But what I’ve learned is that it always requires a certain mindset and strength to dare to show up. It’s not just about attending; it’s about being intentional. You have to become aware of which networks truly add to your career or personal path and which don’t. And once you’re brave enough to make that distinction, magic happens.
Because I showed up, my life has been impacted for the better in ways I never could have predicted. A conversation led to an opportunity. A meeting led to a home. A connection led to love.
Showing up isn’t just about networking—it’s about shaping your future. (And if you want to explore this idea further, check out my article on Life Lines.)
These aren’t things you can figure out by sitting in your comfort zone, thinking about them. They only become clear once you live through them.
The Fine Line Between Fear and Excuse
Of course, stepping into the unknown is uncomfortable. New experiences bring risk—of failure, rejection, or feeling like you don’t belong. And it’s easy to use that discomfort as a reason to stay put.
But here’s the thing:
- Fear is real. But sometimes, it’s just an excuse in disguise.
- Reflection has value. But it should never replace action.
If you never push yourself into the unknown, how do you really know what’s meant for you? How do you know if you hate public speaking or if you just haven’t practiced it? How do you know if a certain job isn’t right for you, or if you’ve never fully immersed yourself in it?
You don’t. Not until you try.
Make Yourself Vulnerable. Feel. Fail. Rise. Repeat.
Instead of waiting for clarity, start creating it:
- Take the job even if you’re unsure.
- Move to the place that intrigues you.
- Speak at the event that scares you.
- Start the project even if you don’t feel “ready.”
- Meet the people you think have nothing in common with you.
Yes, you might fail. Yes, some experiences won’t feel right. But that’s the point. You’re gathering real data—actual insights about what makes your heart sing and what doesn’t.
And in the process, you’re not just figuring yourself out—you’re building resilience, confidence, and a life that’s actually lived.
So Screw the Self-Help Books—Go Live Instead
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Stop searching for answers in theory. The only way to truly know what fulfills you is to experience it.
Let’s move from analysis to action—because growth happens in the doing.